No - this isn't a post about some fabulous trip Gordy and I took to Aruba... I'm referring to orthodonture.
Orthodontics -- you know -- the bane of teen and pre-teens everywhere.
I took all three children to the orthodontist over spring break on the recommendation of our dentist (whooo! Who needs Daytona beach when there are orthodontists to visit, am I right?). 3-D x-rays and digital photos from every angle were taken and then the orthodontist led me over to her office and gave me the bad news: my children have hideously gnarly teeth.
Georgia is missing two adult teeth and two of her baby teeth are being reabsorbed into her gums. She also had two baby teeth whose adult teeth weren't pushing them out, dooming her mouth to years of additional difficulties.
Henry is only missing one adult tooth but that's not his only problem. One of Henry's teeth is stuck in his upper jaw, pointing in the wrong direction. There's also great over-crowding and general mayhem.
Josie's teeth are completely misaligned and her jaw is doing odd gymnastic moves to try to remedy the situation.
The situation did not look good on the computer monitor.
My children have Austin Powers' teeth and considering that this isn't England circa 1965, we decided to fight the many problems head on.
That meant two rounds of teeth pulling for Georgia (see above photo) and palate expanders for Henry and Josie. For now, I mean. Henry also got braces on his lower teeth, but full braces are in his future, as well as surgery to release that wonky tooth. Georgia and Josie will also get braces (or "train tracks" as Henry calls them) in the future.
I hope they appreciate their straight teeth when they are signing for their college loans!
Josie has had her palate expander on for 12 days. I know this, because every morning after she's eaten breakfast and brushed her teeth, it's my job to stick a key into that tiny hole in the middle of the apparatus and turn the brace one small rotation.
Which is just as horrific and disgusting as it sounds. I almost lost my breakfast the first morning I did it.
I know that we're making room so her jaw is aligned correctly, but it does distress me that Josie is now sporting a sizeable gap between her two front teeth.
By the end of the month, will she look like Madonna?
As for Henry, he wasn't all that thrilled about showing his teeth to the internet. This was the best I could get from him:
I never had braces when I was growing up - neither did Gordy. Who knew that getting straight teeth was such a complicated process? I figured on the inevitable arrival of soft foods, applesauce and puddings in the pantry, but I was completely oblivious to amount of hardware such a little mouth could hold.
It will be worth it... right?